Socializing in the United States

SHAKING HANDS

Men usually shake right hands when they first meet. Men do not usually shake hands with a woman unless she offers her hand first. Shake hands the first time you meet someone, but not the second.

First impressions are important so you should learn to shake hands correctly. Right hands are clasped at waist level and arm's length. A firm squeeze occurs while the hands are raised slightly, then lowered and released. Do not squeeze too lightly or too strongly, and do not prolong the handshake by refusing to let go; that is social death in the US.

NAMES AND TITLES

Most people in the United States have three names: a given name, a middle name, and a last (family or surname) name. In conversation and in writing, the given name usually comes first. For example, "Hello, my name is Tom Cruise." Most official forms ask you to write your family name first, followed by a comma, then your first name: "Cruise, Tom." Read carefully before filling out any form so you fill it out correctly. A comma shows that the last name is written first.

People often use first names. Do not assume from the use of given names that there is no respect for status or age. There are many non-verbal habits that show respect. Young people generally talk less in the presence of their elders and are less assertive. Young people and people of lower status are less likely to use slang or profanity around their "superiors".

USE OF NAMES

• It is all right to use the first name of someone your same age and status, or someone younger. If you are unsure, you should ask if the person prefers to be called by his or her first name.
• A woman or man older than yourself is often addressed as Ms., Miss, Mrs., or Mr. until the individual requests that you use his or her first name or until you get to know the individual better.
• Men and women will be confused if you use Ms., Miss, Mrs., or Mr. with a first name, as is the custom in some countries. Ordinarily Ms., Miss, Mrs., or Mr. is used only with the family name.
• Some women in the US prefer Ms. (pronounced "Miz"). Ms. is used for both single or married women and replaces Miss and Mrs. You can use Ms. if you do not know if a woman is single or married.