Getting Along in the USA

Some Customs & Culture Tips 

Because of its history, the United States has a society with many different classes, groups, races and lifestyles. Within each of these groups, individual members are also quite different from one another. No one behaves exactly like anyone else. There are, however, several characteristics which most people have in common. Remember, these are general characteristics; many people you meet will not fit these patterns. 

Here are some tips from NAFSA publications for getting along with people in the USA.

MAKING CONVERSATION

"Small talk" includes topics, such as sports, weather, jobs, or past experiences. Most people do not talk about religion, politics, or personal feelings with strangers. Sex and bodily functions are not discussed. People do not usually talk about the personal lives of their conversation partners. This emotional distance does not mean people dislike you, but personal lives are discussed only with close friends and family.

There are few "ritualistic" exchanges in English, but you should know that "How are you?" and "How's it going?" are greetings, not questions about your life. "See you later," or "See you soon," are ways of saying good-bye, not appointments.

People in the US are curious. They will ask you a lot of questions. Some of their questions may appear ridiculous, uninformed and elementary, but try to be patient in answering them. You may be the first person from your country whom they have met, and they will have very little understanding of your life. Most people are sincerely interested in learning about you.

Many people believe in the "scientific method" of understanding the world, so they look for facts and evidence when you tell them something new. This may seem odd to students whose cultures emphasize feelings or emotions, but people are not rude if they say, "Show me" or "Prove it".

Loud conversations usually mean people are angry. Most conversations are moderate in volume with few gestures. Do not speak too loudly or too quietly, and keep your hands under control.

Non-Verbal Communication

When you have communication difficulties, you may think it is because of spoken or written language. However, many mis-understandings happen because of non-verbal communication, or body language.

EYE CONTACT

During a conversation, the speaker looks briefly into the listener's eyes, briefly away, and then back at the listener's eyes. The listener should look at the speaker's eyes constantly. If you do not look into the eyes of your conversation partner, he will think you are not listening, or that you are not trustworthy.

TOUCHING

Touching people often makes them uncomfortable. Men are especially nervous when touched by another man. Women who are good friends may walk arm-in-arm, but only rarely.

SPACE

You do not have to touch people to make them nervous. People expect others to be at least an arm's length away from them. If you get closer than this, people will move away from you; they do not dislike you; you are "in their space."Also, you will hear people say, "Excuse me," although they have not actually touched anyone. No matter where you are, give people plenty of space.

Remember, these are generalizations. Some people will be uncomfortable if you do not touch them during a conversation. The hard part is figuring out who wants what.